emmugh:

I like new friends because I can reuse old jokes

molebucks:

lovely-dna:

molebucks:

treat me like a college textbook. spend lots of money on me but never touch or look at me

no. treat me like your favorite book. keep me by your side, touch my every page, learn all my twists and turns, remember every word I say, even the ones that make you cry

*4-second-long fart noise*

tittyfig:

80% water 20% pizza and 100% swag

gay8:

gay8:

gay8:

my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. they are tectonic plates. follow for more geological humour.

i really hope the two people who just followed me aren’t looking for geological humour or you are going to be earth-shatteringly disappointed

this post is one of my best by a landslide

officialunitedstates:

officialunitedstates:

officialunitedstates:

officialunitedstates:

what do you call someone who smokes two marijuanas

double jointed

what do you call someone who smokes three marijuanas

dead

drugs kill, kids